The alarm sounds. Hit the snooze button once, twice, three times just to be safe. You'll need those extra winks to do well on your first day on the job. Grab your phone and check your email, twitter, and Facebook. But don't be late for work! You need to pay for those high tech gadgets you love so much. Especially the big screen TV you bought last summer. Don't forget to take your medications. They're right there next to the alarm clock. Remember to give them time to work before getting out of bed. You don't want to have a dizzy spell and fall. Otherwise you'll end up in the ER again. That's how you lost your last job so just close your eyes for a second and relax.

You wake up an hour later. Jump out of bed like it was made of lava and run through the kitchen to the bathroom. The floor is cold as ice and you are covered in goose bumps. You turn on the bathroom light. The pink tiles glare at you. Be sure to snarl back at them through half closed eyes. You get into the shower and revel in the hot water running down your body. Lather up your sweet smelling deodorant soap and wash head to toe, never leaving the spray of hot water. The room fills with steam and you are lost in a world of foggy bliss. The water begins to feel warm, then cool, then cold. It appears you have used up all the hot water again. Well, it was nice while it lasted. You get out of the tub and dry off. Use the bright yellow towel today because it reminds you of warm summer days and, for some weird reason, barbecue. You brush your teeth and drop the tooth paste cap down the drain. You fish the cap out of the drain, along with sticky hair and black stuff that you don't even want to know what it is.

On your way back to the bedroom, put the kettle on for tea. The window shades are open so keep your towel wrapped around your privates, and perhaps around your not-so-privates. The neighbors may be outside. They are strange people. They walk their dog around their two foot square back yard. They use their cell phones on the back stoop all hours of the night. They like to barbecue in the morning, in the cold, in the middle of January. So, it's better to be a prude than free entertainment. The kettle whistles, waking you from your day dream about being an exotic dancer.

You pour the water and leave it to brew while you dress in the bedroom. Wave to the neighbor as you go by. Don't fuss over what to wear. Put on some socks and underwear. Grab a shirt from your closet and button that up as you look for pants. After everything is buttoned and tucked, you admire how good you look without even trying. You enter the kitchen to have your tea. The neighbor scowls at you for invading her privacy. You take one sip of your tea and spill it on your shirt. Back the bedroom to change your shirt. That one is too tight, choose another. No, not that one. Yes, here is a nice shirt. But now it doesn't match the pants. Put on new pants. These are too tight, try again. Finally, a nice pair of pants that fit well and look horrible with your shirt. Make a mental note to go clothes shopping this Saturday. You run back to the kitchen to finish your tea. The tea is cold and no time to make another. You rush out of the house and into your car. You start the car and the dashboard lights up. You notice the clock. It's Saturday.

You sulk back into the house. The neighbor offers you a barbecue breakfast. You accept. She passes you a sausage and onion sandwich through the kitchen window. You go into the living room, sit down on the couch and turn on the TV. Phone in one hand and breakfast in the other, you check your email, twitter and Facebook while watching TV.

Copyright © 2016 James Barrett. All rights reserved.

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